Today I go in to get my blood drawn for a cholesterol check and to confirm that the meds I was prescribed for my heart stuff aren’t killing me faster than the crap in my arteries. I don’t expect to even meet with the doctor, just a quick visit with the wonderful PA and a needle for blood.

The nurse takes me back to the exam room, takes my basic measurements, height, weight, blood pressure, the works. As she’s going over all of the information she casually mentions, “Hmm, I see here that it’s been more than a year since your last physical. If you have time, I’m sure the doctor would like to get that done as well.” Of course I have time for a physical. You’ve already inconvenienced me by not opening until 10am. I’m fasting for the bloods tests, so sure, poke & prod me some more! Why not? It’ll be fun!

The nurse finishes up, apparently she is not a fan of sarcasm based on the foul look I got as she closed the door. Now I wait for the good doctor to swing by. Fortunately I have my Pokémon Go app to keep me busy!


5 minutes pass – oh look – I caught a Rattata!

10 minutes pass – okay, where the hell are all of the Pokémon around here? I haven’t seen one since that Rattata 5 minutes ago.

15 minutes pass – still nothing on the Pokémon front. Oh yeah, still no sign of the doctor.

20 minutes pass – yep, just watching the battery on my phone drop because of Pokémon Go. I can actually see the bar shrink.

25 minutes pass – Oh! A level 250 Pigiotto! Sweet! Just let me toss a pokéball at it. SHIT! Of course, right as I start trying to catch the Pokémon, my doctor walks in.

The doctor runs down the exact same questions the nurse asked. Checks my breathing. Asks about my gout attack a few months ago. Checks my balls.

That’s it. An extra 25 minutes of waiting for a grand total of 2 minutes with the doctor. I guess the bonus is that he fondled my scrotum, but I could have done that myself in far less time. And still caught the Pigiotto (who is long gone by the time Dr. Coldhand is done). Oh yeah, he also gave me a cup to pee into. Will the fun never end?

The best news of all is that a physical is completely covered by insurance, so I get out of having to pay for anything! Woo hoo!

Now I just have to wait a couple of days to find out what else is wrong with me. Keep your fingers crossed that the answer is “Nothing!”